After health ordeal, shooter Rahi Sarnobat takes aim again

In March last year, ace Indian shooter Rahi Sarnobat, the Asian Games 25m pistol champion who then competed in the Tokyo Olympics, stood smiling atop the podium at the Cairo World Cup after winning the team gold in her event. Three months later, the Pune shooter couldn’t even drag herself out of bed, her body racked by neuropathic pain.

PREMIUM

From "just sleeping" for three months to being able to hold her weapon again for just four minutes, the 32-year-old was left wondering if she'd ever be able to shoot again. However, she has come through that long, dark phase. She will compete for the first time since June at this week's Group B national trials in New Delhi, after going through the “scariest phase of her life”.

Last June, sitting in the living room with bags packed for next day’s flight to attend the national camp, Rahi felt the right half of her tongue tingle. It was followed by pain in her left hand, hot flashes in the body and an increasing heart rate. "I thought, heart attack," the shooter said.

As a doctor in her apartment block and an ECG test done later that night would convey, it wasn't. The stress of a hectic phase of travel could be it, Rahi was told and she skipped the camp.

Ten days later, around midnight, Rahi woke up from sleep feeling "something weird in my right shin". She got up, but as much as she tried, couldn't walk. "That happened for only 30 seconds, but for that time, I had no control of that part below my knee," she said.

It would go on for months and affect almost every part of her body.

It was diagnosed that Rahi suffered from neuropathic pain, a neurological condition that damages the nervous system. The International Association for the Study of Pain defines it as "pain that arises as a direct consequence of a lesion or diseases affecting the somatosensory system" (a network of neural structures that helps humans recognise the sensation of touch, body position, pain, pressure, temperature, etc.). A 2017 report by the National Library of Medicine says neuropathic pain has an "absence of a gold standard diagnostic test" which "can be difficult to treat effectively and is associated with significant impairments in health-related quality of life.”

Rahi has, in the past, returned to shooting from illness, injuries, surgeries (including a laparoscopic surgery). This time, without any specific pattern, reason or symptom, she simply did not understand what was happening to her.

All she felt was "strange": one leg heavy, the other light; one hand hot, the other cold -- all at once. Any part of the body with nerves — gums, tongue, eyebrows, ears, fingers, eyes — would experience pain, at different times.

"There were just a lot of different sensations, lot of muscle twitches. Sometimes the muscle would move involuntarily. A lot of new things were happening,” she said. “I didn't know what was going on—what it is called, how to take care of it, the dos and don’ts.”

Dr Rahul Kulkarni, a senior neurologist in Pune prescribed a course of heavy medication. Rahi consulted him daily to begin with, and then weekly. He would ask her to write down symptoms she’d experienced. "I kept count, and it must be around 35-40 different symptoms. By not doing anything,” she said. “And every time I visited him, I cried.”

"I was like, I'm not afraid if I am going to die. But I should know why I'm going to die.”

All her test results — “blood, brain mapping, you name the tests and I’ve done them” — were normal. Rahi had Covid-19 twice in 2021, four months either side of the Tokyo Olympics in July-August. Doctors told her it “could have been a trigger to the nervous system breakdown.”

Rahi also consulted top neurologists in Mumbai. “But all conclusions were similar — my reports showed nothing, so they asked me to continue with my treatment in Pune.”

SLEEPING IT OFF

Under sleep medication with rest the primary solution, that became the only option. For the first three months, Rahi’s sleep cycle was on overdrive—10pm to 11.30am, 2pm to 6pm, repeat. Still, having lost all muscle mass and energy, she’d feel weak. “Even though I didn’t lose complete control over my limbs, I didn't have the energy because my nervous system was overworking, without me actually physically moving.”

Rahi’s baby steps to recovery began in September, under the supervision of physiotherapist Rucha Kashalkar. She visited Rahi every day until February when she left for Canada.

“Our first challenge was to just sit up for five minutes and watch TV,” Rahi said. Once she could, Rahi dug into the world of neurology, watching several documentaries and Netflix series besides going through research papers and interviews on it.

Kashalkar and Rahi came up with minor daily goals, like "making my own bedsheet one day, cooking an omelette the other”.

Rahi said: “We also did a lot of puzzles, wordles, memory games to sensitise my nervous system... “I became a lot more aware, started feeling better.”

It was still an ordeal. After a 15-minute stroll, a fatigued Rahi would sleep for an hour. Yet, there was progress by November. Rahi gradually began venturing out — for a walk, to the supermarket, for coffee, for a movie — with Kashalkar. “Whatever I did from hereon, it was new for my brain. Like it had been reset. I just kept telling myself: this is good, we're safe.”

HEALTH OVER SHOOTING

Crawling back to normal life was one thing, returning to shooting quite another. It is one of the most psychological sports, and Rahi had to re-tune. After going through days where holding the pistol for four minutes was a tall task, Rahi began with short sessions of dry training at home.

Helped by Akshay Bhapkar, her strength and conditioning coach employed with Olympic Gold Quest (OGQ), she got back to her gym routines within a month. “My brain was ready for a physical activity, but not a psychological activity. I had accepted the fact that shooting would take time.”

Yet, in the last week of February when she first hit the range again in Pune, a pleasant surprise welcomed her back. “I shot 99 series of precision and 100 of rapid fire. It was like I had never left!" Rahi chuckled.

“Of course, there were many fluctuating days after that. But since my brain and body has done this for so many hours for so many years, my job is now to fine-tune things.

“The first 3-4 months, my only goal was to be independent in whatever life I had coming my way. Shooting was not in the picture at all," she said.

Jelena Arunovic, a Serbian shooting coach with whom Rahi had only begun working in June last year, was in the picture though. They have kept in touch every weekend since last June.

“We didn't know what we could target. But she was like, ‘even if you're going to be fine after Paris (Olympics), we can start from there’,” Rahi said. “That kept me going. I wanted to come out of this to be able to work with this person and the others who were with me. Also, to use my capabilities to the fullest again.”

In all this, Rahi, an intensely private person by her admission, realised the relationships she had developed. “Out of nowhere" she received calls. From young Manu Bhaker — “she called me 3-4 times, saying, ‘didi, when are you coming back? I’m missing you’.” — Gagan Narang, Samaresh Jung, Sushma Singh, a few foreign shooters, national federation (NRAI) and SAI officials. OGQ, which despite her health issues extended their support till the 2024 Paris Games, ensured she flew from Pune to Mumbai because she wasn’t able to travel by car.

“That's when I felt that apart from being a competitor, I have had some impact," she said.

SECOND WIND

A lot of those who got in touch wondered if she had retired. “People thought I have vanished, that I have quit shooting. This is the thing I was most looking forward to—that one fine day, I would have arrived again.”

She will be arriving for the New Delhi trials this week. Rahi can now train three hours a day in a single session, for four days a week. Still on medication that may last another year, Rahi can now wake up at 7am. She is still not fully symptom-free, but they are often without pain and Rahi has learnt to live with that.

“Shooting-wise, it will take time to get that accuracy back, but it should be enough to be in the team. I'm targetting July-August for international competitions. But we need to compare months, not weeks. It will be slow."

In essence, that has been her biggest lesson from this period. After the Tokyo Games where her performance did not match expectations, she chose to not give herself a break, “because I was disappointed. I wanted to do things all over again”.

She said: "Success, medals are all secondary now. If I get it, of course I will be proud. But I'm not doing this for that anymore. My biggest priority is health; that is what this period has taught me. These challenges are much bigger than any competition. I am embracing what happened to me. I feel so unique because no one knows what I have been through.”

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