Sonika Tandi’s redemption: From battling depression to making India’s World Cup squad

Sonika Tandi, one of the most promising hockey players to have worn the blue India jersey in recent years, saw her career graph rise steadily ever since she made her debut for the India junior team in 2014. In less than two years, the skillful midfielder was made captain of the same outfit.

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Sonika’s talent and the ability to create goalscoring opportunities caught the eye of national selectors who then chose to give the girl from Hisar her senior team debut at the 2016 South Asian Games where India went on to win gold. Her career highlight came a year later when she helped India win the Asia Cup after a gap of 13 years, cementing her position in the Indian squad for the next couple of years.

But while she was making her mark professionally, personally things weren't falling in place as Sonika wanted them to. After touring New Zealand in early 2020, the Haryana girl decided to step away from the game. “I was diagnosed with severe depression,” said the 25-year-old.

Ever since making her debut, the shy and usually quiet Sonika kept thinking that she wasn’t performing to her potential. “I'd get tours, play them well but still feel that I wasn’t delivering. Slowly self-doubt started creeping in," she said.

Clueless at the start, Sonika soon began to realise she had an issue. “It was in 2018 that I started to understand that I have a problem. In 2019 and early 2020, I’d go to the ground, would do my hard work but I was always empty inside. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. At times I wouldn't feel like going to the ground at all. I'd be afraid of the crowd and not be able to step on to the pitch,” said the midfielder.

Sonika understood that she needed to take a break or the situation could worsen. She took the matter up with coaches and senior India players.

“I was under a lot of stress. (The then chief coach) Sjoerd (Marijne) supported me a lot. He got me in touch with doctors and knew a lot about the subject, helping me understand what all this was. I researched a lot too and found out myself," said Sonika. “It was then that doctors told me that I have depression, that it’s not important if you have it only during a low phase in life. It can happen at any point even if you're performing at your peak. How you’re playing, age has nothing to do with it.”

Captain Rani Rampal and deputy Savita Punia were also very supportive, encouraging Sonika to take the break. “Savi di and Rani di told me that the condition was the same as when a player has an ACL or meniscus injury, when then they go on rehab. Only this time it was mental not physical rehab,” said Sonika.

Recovery

There began Sonika’s recovery process that made her sacrifice hockey, got her away from negative vibes and pressure with regular counselling and medication. Since Sonika was an elite sportsperson, her doctors didn’t give her anti-depressants. “I was put on medicines for only three months as the doctors told me that they don’t want me to heal using medication but through counselling and other steps because sportspersons are very strong mentally," said the 25-year-old, who works for the Income Tax department in New Delhi.

Apart from the counselling sessions that went on for eight-months, Sonika also pursued meditation which helped her to learn how to handle stress. It was also during counselling that she realised she wasn’t always a reticent person but rather it is a direct side effect of being depressed.

Return to the pitch

After staying away from the game for a year, a leaner, short-haired Sonika surprised everyone by making a return to the artificial turf when she took part at the Navabharat Trophy Women’s All India Tournament in Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh, in February 2021.

On return, Sonika took to the sport as a fish takes to water, guiding Central Civil Services Cultural and Sports Board to the title to earn Player of the Tournament award. "When I got the award, I thought why don’t I try things again, relive my dream," said Sonika.

Inspiration from Biles

It was during this period that Sonika got inspired by American gymnast Simone Biles, who pulled out of multiple events at the Tokyo Olympics, prioritising mental health. “When Biles refused to perform, I felt nice. I realised this was normal, that there is nothing in it that we need to hide or can’t talk about. This is the right time we should speak out," said Sonika. “At times we're not able to discuss probably because of lack of education, knowledge or awareness. But it’s not like you can’t get out of it. You just have to work on it, like you work on your physical recovery. But it’s important to get diagnosed on time.”

Sonika then participated in the Inter-Department National Championship in Kolkata before guiding Haryana to the final of the Senior Nationals in Jhansi—both in October 2021—where her performance made her stand out again and got her selected for the Indian team for the Asian Champions Trophy in South Korea in December 2021. However, her joy was cut short as India pulled out after multiple players tested positive for Covid-19.

Sensational India return

Sonika finally got to wear her beloved blue India jersey after a gap of more than two years when she played the Pro League match against Germany in Bhubaneswar in March. She made an impact immediately, scoring the winning penalty in the shootout as India won 1-1 (3-0).

Sonika scored her first international field goal since her return in the very next match, helping India beat Netherlands 2-1. Thereafter, the midfielder played in all of India’s remaining Pro League games, ending the tournament with three goals and several assists. “Sonika has done well in her role whenever she has been given a chance,” said India chief coach Janneke Schopman, who was analytical coach when Sonika left the team in 2020 and is aware of her condition.

When Sonika was named in India’s 18-member squad that will be playing the World Cup in Netherlands and Spain from July 1-7, it was evidence that her long battle with depression was fought in the right way. “I made some big steps in my life. During the Pro League, I felt I'm on the right track and I can perform well. Now, I feel very confident," Sonika said from Amsterdam where the Indian team is training before they begin their campaign in Amstelveen against England on July 3. “I don’t feel any anxiety or pressure now. I control things very well and quite confident about my performance.”

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